


Irresistible Forces

by bellatemple



Series: Troubled lands [2]
Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cuddle Pile, Fluff and Crack, Multi, Threegulls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:00:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22548928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellatemple/pseuds/bellatemple
Summary: A brief look at life post "Immovable Objects". Haven's citizenry at large may not have gotten hit by the trouble bomb, but that doesn't mean there aren't consequences. . . .
Relationships: Duke Crocker/Audrey Parker/Nathan Wuornos
Series: Troubled lands [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1622371
Comments: 10
Kudos: 30





	Irresistible Forces

**Author's Note:**

> You all haven't quite gotten my crack brain yet. This is only sort of gently cracky, but still. . . .

Duke's phone was ringing. 

It took several rings for him to finally dig himself out of his pile of pillows and answer it. "Nathan," he said. "Do you have _any idea_ what time it is?" 

"It's —" Nathan started. 

"It's _fuck you o'clock_ , Nathan. That's what time it is." 

"We have a problem." 

Duke flopped over onto his back. A pillow landed on his face. He shoved it off onto the floor. "No." 

"If I could bring anyone else in on this, I would." 

Duke groaned. "Let me guess. Another sleepover dared each other to go into the Bat Cave?" 

"Tourists in the Bog." 

"Jesus. How do we even _have_ tourists. . . ." Duke wrestled himself out of bed, tripping over another pillow. "Alright. I'll meet you there." 

"I'm at the docks." 

Duke sighed. "You don't have to give me a ride." 

"Three-car pile up outside the Gull the other day says otherwise." 

"Yeah, well." Duke stifled a yawn as he stepped out onto the deck, and deflected an incoming pillow into the ocean. "If you don't want the world's softest roadblocks all over town, you're going to have to let me _get some sleep_." 

"Tried." Nathan waved from the parking lot. Duke squinted, then waved back and trudged his way over. "It's just —" 

"Tourists," Duke said. "In the Bog. Yeah." He hung up as he approached Nathan. Nathan handed him a to-go cup of hot coffee, which Duke accepted gratefully. They both pretended to ignore the twin-size feather mattress that landed on the dock behind Duke and exploded into a rain of feathers. 

"Tough day at the office?" Duke asked. Nathan scowled. 

"What makes you say that?" 

Duke pointed at the Bronco's rearview mirror. "No reflection." 

Nathan leaned down, hand on his face as he peered into the mirror. To anyone else, Duke knew, it looked like he was talking to so much empty air instead of a police detective. Being immune to some troubles and not to others was deeply weird. 

Nathan straightened back up and reached for the driver's side door. "Thought I had it under control." 

"Guess not." Duke circled the car. "How's Audrey doing?" 

"Cool as a cucumber," Nathan said. 

Duke winced. "You really have had a rough day." 

"You know how girls are with their mothers." 

"Especially when they've gotten themselves a handful of fun new troubles." Duke leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes. And caught the pillow that came rushing at him, bunching it into a ball against the window and shoving his face into it for the duration of the ride. 

The "Bog" was a large patch of grassy land not far from what used to be a prime scenic overlook just inside the fog wall. While a fence with dire warning signs had been set up around it, people couldn't seem to help themselves when it came to wandering through and getting themselves into trouble. 

"There you are," Dwight said as they pulled up. He frowned hard just to the left of where Nathan stood. ". . . It's happening again." 

Nathan sighed. "Pointing it out doesn't help." 

"How many we dealing with this time, Squatch?" Duke asked, taking a large sip from his coffee and trying not to think of his bed. A comforter landed behind him with a soft _whoomph_. 

"Three, far as I can tell," Dwight said, not doing more than raising an eyebrow. "One of the women is doing alright, the man's already out cold. And the other woman. . . ." He shook his head and handed Duke an industrial size lunchbox. Duke popped it open and looked over the contents: basic cold cuts, several pouches of organic apple sauce, and a big bottle of gatorade. "Gurney's standing by. Hopefully the women can both still walk." 

"I keep telling you, let me take a nap on one of those things, and maybe I can start manifesting those, too." Duke stifled another yawn. A teddy bear landed on Dwight's head. Dwight caught it as it tumbled off and tucked it under his arm. 

"And have those falling from the sky and crushing people? No thanks." He shook his head at Duke. "You really need to get some sleep, man." 

"Yeah, thanks. My galley looks like a Bed Bath & Beyond." Duke shook his head, chugged as much of his coffee as he could, and went to go get the gurney. McHugh met him at the gate in the fence. 

"Girls are still talking," he said. "Sort of." 

"Sort of?" 

"You'll see." 

Duke heard the group before he saw them. And yeah, he got what Dwight and McHugh meant. 

"FAMINE GRASS." 

"Maddy, you're not helping." 

"FAMINE GRASS, SIOBHAN!" 

"Just sit down, darling, the man with the bullhorn said help is coming." 

The women had what Duke decided had to be maritime accents, or just Irish ones that had faded by several years. Siobhan, a buxom woman in what he suspected were supposed to be skinny jeans and a puffer vest, was sitting up as Duke approached, looking pale and rather . . . deflated . . . but not too bad off just yet. Maddy, who Duke guessed had been slighter to begin with, looked sallow and frail as she lay on the grass, apparently saving all her strength for hysterics. The man looked downright skeletal, stretched out between them. 

"Hey," Duke said as he came up. "Heard you ladies needed a lift." 

"WHY DO YOU HAVE FAMINE GRASS IN MAINE?!!" Maddy bellowed. 

"Lady, you're trapped on vacation behind a magic fog wall. How is the grass any weirder than that?" 

"That's what I said," Siobhan muttered. 

"Famine grass is an _Irish_ urban legend," Maddy ranted. "About haunted places by the roadside where victims of the Potato Famine lay down to die. YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE IT IN MAINE."

"Well, you know. Haven takes all sorts." Duke opened his lunchbox and offered her an applesauce. "Now. Can we get out of here, or do you want to keep practicing your banshee scream?" 

"Why aren't you starving?" Siobhan asked. She stood shakily, going over to the man. Duke shrugged and lowered the gurney so they wouldn't have to lift him up as high.

"I feed on sunlight," he said. "Like a plant." 

Maddy boggled at him. "I can't tell if you're joking." 

"Neither can anyone else," Duke said. "It doesn't sound right, but have any of them ever actually seen me eat?" 

Siobhan shook the man on the ground by the shoulder. "Owen? Owen, sweetie, we're getting out." She looked up at Duke and bit her lip. "He won't wake up." 

Duke nodded, crouching down by Owen's feet. He was pretty sure he'd be able to manage the man's weight just fine by himself at this point, but he was a gangly guy, and his limbs might be a bit harder to deal with. "Help me move him." 

Siobhan was up to the task, though it left her shaky and sweating. Duke looked from her to Maddy, who was enthusiastically sucking down her applesauce, then back to the edge of the Bog where EMS waited. 

Being the only one immune to a trouble sucked. 

"Can either of you walk?" he asked. Maddy sat up and promptly fell over again. Duke handed Siobhan the lunch box. "I will be _right back_." 

Siobhan swallowed and nodded. Duke pulled out his phone and texted Nathan as he rushed Owen back, telling him to have another couple gurneys ready. 

By the time all three of them were evacuated, Duke was dead on his feet, trailing a variety of pillows, blankets, and even the odd sleep mask in his wake. They'd be left to rot in the Bog with the remains of Maddy's applesauces; Duke sure as hell wasn't going back for them. 

Nathan caught Duke's elbow as he stumbled, Dwight a half-step behind in a way that said that Nathan was definitely still invisible to most people. "'Mfine," Duke said, patting Nathan's elbow. "Stop worrying so much. People are going to think there's a haunted Bronco driving around town." 

"Taking you home," Nathan said. Duke shut his eyes and nodded, letting him drag him back to the truck and tuck him into the suddenly blanket-filled back seat. 

When they stopped again, they were at Nathan's. Warm hands tugged Duke from the truck. Duke wondered if the neighbors worried about the man leaning on nothing wandering up to Nathan's front door, or if they were all used to it by now. 

"Audrey!" Nathan called. "We're home!" 

"Ab-b-bout t-time," Audrey called back, through clenched, chattering teeth. It was at least 15 degrees colder inside than it was outside. The shock of it woke Duke right back up, and he straightened, tugging the down comforter that landed on him tighter around his shoulders. Audrey was curled up in the center of Nathan's bed, tucked under his electric blanket, but she stretched out a hand at Duke when he stumbled in. "B-blanket fairy!" 

"Ice queen," Duke said back. He climbed into the bed and Audrey immediately flung herself into him, burrowing in against his chest. The room warmed as Duke wrapped his arms around her, and Audrey's color came back. Duke watched Nathan's reflection fade back into view in the vanity mirror as he sat down on the edge of the bed. 

"C'mon," Duke said around a yawn. A large stuffed shark landed on the bed. "Cuddle pile time." 

"Trouble-doctors' orders," Audrey agreed, making grabby hands. 

"I'm tired, you're worried, and Audrey's feeling unloved." Duke shoved the shark behind him and leaned back on it, body already trying to shut down again. "We can't talk the Bog through its emotional problems, but we can at least take care of our own." 

Nathan frowned, but climbed into the bed on Audrey's other side. "Okay. But in the morning I'm getting you a sunlamp." 

"Mm," Duke mumbled. He stuck his face in Audrey's hair and closed his eyes. "Sunlight." 

A blanket flopped down on him from nowhere, draping over all three of them. It was a little awkwardly positioned, but no one bothered to adjust it. 

They were already fast asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I kind of love the idea of Havenites just having to deal with the GROUND being weird, so there may well be more stories in this, somewhere. (I have at least one more 'the land itself is troubled' idea that didn't make it into this fic, after all. 
> 
> And, no, I can't tell yet if Duke's kidding about the sunlight thing or not, either.


End file.
